When I said I would share my testimony, what I thought I would say was much different than what I’m about to. I have known about Jesus my whole life.
About is that key word. I can quote John 3:16 and Jeremiah 29:11 with the best of them. I can recite the books of the bible, in order. I listen to K-Love and I know HOW to go to church.
What I haven’t known, and what I’m still learning, is how to obey God. I’ve loved Jesus for years. Since I was 14, I have thanked Him for my salvation in my prayers at night. And all the while I have continued on my way making my choices with no regard for His will for my life.
I’m a divorced mom. I say divorced, instead of single, because I chose this. I sinned against my husband. I didn’t honor my vow before God to love him forever. Regardless of how valid my reasons may be to me and even to my safety- my ex-husband’s sin does not excuse or discount mine.
Ten days after the divorce was final, my depression and anxiety were at an all time low. I was listening to every lie Satan could tell me. I ‘knew’ I wasn’t good enough. ‘Knew’ I wasn’t loveable. I was failing my children at every turn and had ‘ruined’ them by breaking up our family. It was Easter Sunday, and rather than rejoice in His resurrection, I felt distant and alone, sad and angry.
I couldn’t take being hurt more.
I have had at least two specific times in my life where I really experienced God’s Love and Mercy towards me.
The first one was when I was about 13 years old. I was growing up as a young boy on the Island of Scalpay, which is part of the Western Isles of Scotland. As kids we were always messing about in boats. This particular Summer’s day. It was round about 1967 as I recall. Myself and a much younger lad were out in my grandfather’ rowing boat just larking about with the oars and splashing about. The younger lad then decided he wanted back on shore.
So I rowed the dingy across to this jetty that was close by. I drew the dingy alongside the jetty and stood up to lift my younger friend on to the jetty, which I managed to do balancing myself on the edge of the dingy.
In the process of doing so I lost my balance and fell into the water and when I surfaced the dingy was a few yards away and I could not get back in. Then sheer panic set it in as I could not swim. I was trying desperately to keep myself afloat but my head kept slipping under the water. Being the sea I kept swallowing the salty water. I can still feel the taste of it in my mouth to this day. By this time I could feel myself getting weaker.
I kept sinking under despite thrashing about in a desperate attempt to keep myself afloat.
My strength was waning fast, then miraculously noticed after resurfacing for the third time I was closer to the jetty. As I did so I noticed what looked like a rope which was attached to a link or something, hanging down the side of the jetty. By this time I was nearly drowned. I was able to summon enough strength and made one last desperate lunch and managed to grab the rope. Which being attached further up the jetty I was able to hold on to and keep myself afloat until help came.
My saving grace was that rope.
I believe God put it there to save my life.
If it had not been there I would have drowned. God’ grace and mercy comes from above as that rope did. Though I was only 13 years old I made a decision there and then to follow the Lord and get to know him.
Another specific incident happened in 1992. I was a fairly healthy 37 year old in full time employment as a team leader in an alcohol rehab unit. One day while at work all off a sudden I became aware I was seeing two of everything in front of me. I was experiencing double vision. I went home after my shift and thought I will be fine after a night’s sleep. But in the morning when I woke up the double vision was still there. I went to my doctor.
He asked was I a heavy drinker which I was not. Then he suggested probably a virus of some sort which will correct it. I went back to work with a patch over one eye so I could see normally. But after one month my condition has worsened. Not only did I have double vision but I noticed both my eyelids had drooped and I was getting weird sensations of weakness in my arms and legs and other parts of my body.
I was back and fore to clinics for the next few months. Had various tests done through eye specialists, etc. By this time I was a physical and mental wreck. I could barely walk 100 yards and I had to rest I felt so weak. I could hardly see where I was going my eyes were so bad. I was experiencing panic attacks every time I was outside.
By this time most of the muscles in my body were affected. I couldn’t swallow my food properly and felt I was choking when I ate. I could not hold a conversation more than two minutes and then my voice would fade away. Anyway to cut a long story short i was sent to a specialist hospital in Glasgow and I was eventually diagnosed with a very rare muscular condition called Myasthenia Gravis. The Greek definition being Grave Muscular Illness. I was told by the specialist that there was no cure for the condition and that if it affected my respiratory muscles I would have difficulty breathing.
I was told there was medication I could take to alleviate some of the symptoms but until they found a cure it was something I just had to try and manage and live with the best I could. I returned home and the next few months were very hard. I could barely walk or see. I had severe anxiety attacks ,especially if I had to go out anywhere. Every day was just an effort to get washed and dressed.
My wife was at the end of her tether. She told me afterwards that she saw my condition deteriorate so much she thought I would be dead by Christmas. I new other people had died from the condition. One Sunday evening after my wife had gone off to church. I was feeling at a really low ebb.
I could see no light at the end of the tunnel.
I felt my life was ebbing away.
I fell on my knees and cried out to God. Please God help me and heal me of this thing! I prayed for a few minutes, pouring my heart out to the Lord. I then managed to get back on to my feet and switched on a tape of a sermon someone had given me. The guy was preaching on king Hezzakiah’s illness in the prophecy of Isaiah.
He came to a point in the sermon which really made me sit up and listen. He said maybe you are listening to this sermon on tape and you have a serious illness. I am telling you the Lord is going to heal you! Well by this time I was over joyed. I really felt the Lord had heard my prayer and I felt this tremendous peace come over me.
Well in the next few months with the help of medication I began to get stronger. I was able to go out more and had the strength to do certain things.
Within a year I was back at my work part-time.
I was still on medication but feeling so much better. Eventually after a couple of years I was back at work full time again. It is now over 20 years since I had the illness. I have had a few minor setbacks but on the whole I have maintained my health. I have been abroad on a number of occasions and have lived a fairly normal life and done things I never ever thought I would be able to do so again.
I am at no medication now. I work as a support worker to a young lad with special needs. I praise and thank God every day for my health. I take nothing for granted. Each new day is a Great Blessing.
I believe the Lord heard my prayer and healed me. I am a living testimony of his healing power. I know of other people with this condition who are not so fortunate. Every day is a struggle for them. Some have even died as a result of complications due to their symptoms. I am here for a reason.
God in his great love and mercy saved my life twice. I fail him so often to my shame. Yet I am so very conscious of his presence in my life Guiding me and protecting me every day.
I hope my testimony will help even one who might be struggling in the depths of despair like I was.
Fear not God is at hand and he is Almighty to save.
Thank you for the opportunity to share something briefly about a miracle of God which I had experienced in my life a very long time ago.
I was only about 19 or 20 years old at the time and it was when a lot of kids were tuning in, turning on and dropping out. I was also attracted to the hippie cult and the rock ‘n roll scene like a number of my friends and peers. And I also experimented with what were then, the fashionable drugs, such as marijuana, LSD, MDA and some methadone or (speed),to name a few.
But after some time I really got tired of getting high and doing drugs. I had never intended to make it a way of life and I thought it was time to give them up and to think about what I was going to do about my future.
However, it wasn’t just as easy as that and after attempting a few times I would end up doing them again.
It really caused me to feel disappointed in myself whenever I would slip up after resolving not to indulge anymore in any kind of drugs. I didn’t seem to have the will power or what it took at the time to quit the drugs or to resist the temptations to do them.
But one day it happened.
I ended up in the hospital after becoming run down physically and drained emotionally.
I felt quite depressed at the same time and I actually thought that I might be dying on account of how weak I felt while being admitted.
When I was alone in my room and in bed about twenty minutes or so after I got admitted, I became terribly afraid that I may really be dying and I wasn’t ready for the unknown. I did think about God and Jesus quite often prior to all of this and I guess in my own way I did pray from time to time. But now I felt that I was at death’s door and I was truly desperate. I had cried out to God in a way that I never had before and I told Him that I wasn’t ready to die.
I then asked Him to give me another chance and had said: “I can do better, just give me another chance.”
J was uttering those very words when my heart started vibrating and I was suddenly struck by a bright flash of light which shined all around me as I burst into a river of tears. It drew me uncontrollably from my pillow into a sit up position as I cried out ecstatically in pure joy.
I remember my first reaction saying,”My God it’s true, it’s true !” “You are really there ! You really care !”
I then fell back to my pillow as the light went out and the door in my room opened. It was the nurse entering with a tray of food just the moment the light disappeared. I was still in shock and speechless but needless to say it was the first day of a new beginning for my my life and one I will never forget until the day I die.
I have shared my faith over the years with others and I sing in a gospel duo but I feel I have not shared that particular experience often enough with others.
It is somewhat similar to the experience of St. Paul when he was knocked from his horse on his way to Damascus but the real similarity is in the love that God has shown for me and has for each and everyone of us…with or without the miracle.