When I said I would share my testimony, what I thought I would say was much different than what I’m about to. I have known about Jesus my whole life.
About is that key word. I can quote John 3:16 and Jeremiah 29:11 with the best of them. I can recite the books of the bible, in order. I listen to K-Love and I know HOW to go to church.
What I haven’t known, and what I’m still learning, is how to obey God. I’ve loved Jesus for years. Since I was 14, I have thanked Him for my salvation in my prayers at night. And all the while I have continued on my way making my choices with no regard for His will for my life.
I’m a divorced mom. I say divorced, instead of single, because I chose this. I sinned against my husband. I didn’t honor my vow before God to love him forever. Regardless of how valid my reasons may be to me and even to my safety- my ex-husband’s sin does not excuse or discount mine.
Ten days after the divorce was final, my depression and anxiety were at an all time low. I was listening to every lie Satan could tell me. I ‘knew’ I wasn’t good enough. ‘Knew’ I wasn’t loveable. I was failing my children at every turn and had ‘ruined’ them by breaking up our family. It was Easter Sunday, and rather than rejoice in His resurrection, I felt distant and alone, sad and angry.
I couldn’t take being hurt more.